o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
