I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
