so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
