first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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