hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's blow job season.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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