that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
