JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
