I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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