The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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