I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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