There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I love you. Go after that dick
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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