And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
