yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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