I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
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