I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
