The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
