It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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