i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
