yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
