Pappa wants mamma naked
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
