this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
