Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
