Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
