Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
