I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
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So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
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In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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