I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
