I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
someone owes me an orgasm
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
