My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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