Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Pants are for mortals
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
