Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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