don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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