plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize