Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!