if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism