Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.