The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
