You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
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my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
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figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead