Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.

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(979): View more from Texas

She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...

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(620): View more from Kansas

Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid

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(786): View more from Florida

It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I have major gossip for you.

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

Oh no, did you have sex last night?

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting

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(314): View more from Missouri

You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.

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