Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.