If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.