people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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