I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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