you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
