If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
