I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
