I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he puts the penis in happiness.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sext me about skeletons
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
