Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
