I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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