you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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