what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
