I'm really into asian looking animals
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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