I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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