sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
