Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
