So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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