it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You ruined the universe
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
