First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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