Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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