I'm gonna have a badass scar
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
