I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
