a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
