You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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