yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
