I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
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