oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You're completely useless in the revolution.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
