Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
