I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
