Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
