never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
