He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
