Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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