is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
