He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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