apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
