why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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