I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
