I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
